Wooo

So for a change I'm posting on this. I don't even think I remmeber the
password to this. But oh well. I can update from my phone. Which is so
much more convinient. Though yeah.. Who cares ljs bettahh .
I'm having such a great time, my life is joyous and I couldn't be more
content or thankful. Ve always been glad for my family being there no
matter what. But now, leo being there is great. So mmuch greater. I love
him.
<3 Sandra

Shit

My feelings are so strong that they impact the "healthy state" of my
body.
I've felt this before, I hate it. I'm not making any sense. I want to
fall, deep into a gentle sea, from the highest cliff. Be swayed by the
waves, be part of this magnificent body that doest feel, or can't get
hurt.
I can't stand myself in this way. I don't know why I'd expect anyone to.
to prove their love is true? I never thought I did, now I'm clear of
what my intentions are. Despicable, scum. I feel worthless, and
undeserving.

it's shower,

shower upon the faces of those whose lives are terrorized with criticism.. and contradicting they're own descriptive minds. fitting are their superficialness and once it becomes accepted the natural behaviors begin to become a script.

whale

I find myself in a place in my life where everything is good, well, and great. The sounds, the sights, the smells, and the feelings are overwhelming. I want to celebrate life to its fullest extent, enjoy the minutes, the seconds and the days; realize and be conscious of every action and do it as best as possible, and enjoy it in the same manner. I feel like everything has reached its delicate balance.

>:|

i have to say that i absolutely dislike when something thats so little in substance gets to me.

Leonard Sita

Lets go somewhere
Where you and I could be the only ones there, where time won't pass, it
won't run out.
And we will fill each others' heart with all we ever needed to survive.
Everything will be good, and even when it storms we'll celebrate.
Because we know the joy we hold inside will make the shining sun come
out again.
<3 Sandra

yoshimi battles the pink robots pt1&pt2

hmm, im so happy with everything. i feel like having leo makes it so that i don't worry about a thing. i feel soo complete with him by my side. i like him a lot he is such a cutie, and a smart boy. i mean man. while my family may or may not fall apart, i am just trying to concentrate in my happyness, and take everything one thing at a time. making an effort in everything, and doing my best. managing my time wisely, and making it all work out. it has actually seemed like it works so well. i feel secure and safe with leo, and i think thats whats keeping me so calm. he brings me a sort of inner peace.
i've got a whole lot of things going on which would normally upset me or be too much to handle, i could count almost an endless list of new responsabilities that i have been blessed with. so many that i just am so surprised to be able to take it all so well. i know that once swim starts every little bit of time i have left now will be used for swimming and resting. at the same time thats what i want. its my last year and i want to do well, i want to improve, and God is giving me that chance.
life isn't something we get many chances or many choices; well we do, but we have to make the right choice and decision the first time. so like i've already mentioned, i'm willing to do something for myself and for my own benefit. i have so many areas in which i could become more rich in. right now i'm not stressing about anything. it feels really great.

i love feeling this way. invincible.

i am the walrus

As of last night at around this same time, I said yes to Leo.
I also said yes to smiling every day from the minute I open my eyes in the morning, until the second that they shut away all the light and stay that way to allow for some rest. To a night which will be every night, in which my mind will create the most pleasant dreams involving him. I feel great, and I bet what I'm about to say is said more than it's true, but I mean it when I say that he is different from other males I've gone out with. He is so intriguing.

I don't want to be part of a broken family. I want to trust, and smile,
like I did before.

<3 Sandra

Tonight

I saw people in love. And I thought of when I felt that way about
someone.
I miss it.
<3 Sandra

1st n 2nd day in ny

i am only typing this and making sure its somewhat archived so that i can come back to it and refresh my memory.


first of all the, first day: anthony slept over the night before i flew to nyc with my cousin alexa, i packed at 3am while they were playing wii. we finally went to bed at around 4 am. only to take a nap of two hours because we had to wake up at 7 am! my mom made breakfast and we got ready. then whats it called, ANTHONY DROVE US TO THE AIRPORT!

yep, it was awesome, he parked and stayed with us for about 2 hours and helped us with checking in and passing the time. i miss him a lot. WAH

anywaysssssssssssssssssssss we said bye to anthony for about 15 minutes. said bye IT TOOK FOREVER. we waited to board for 10 minutes after that and the flight was real smooth! we had plenty of leg room since we were seated by the emergency exit. lawl

okay uhhhhh we came to new york we ate we went home, soooo late.
then walked diego, my older cousins dog.

went to sleep even later since i was talking to my cousin whom i grew up with like we were sisters and with my other one, yo that was awesome. i love 'em and we laugh so much, we alwasy have a good time.

day two:

sigh, today we woke up, or we barely did. actually we were so tired, but everything was great after we got to the city, we went to 57th and 7th and walked to central park on 5th, went up to 65th and saw the exhibits at the central park zoo. my favourite animal now are --i know thats bad grammart, but i cant narrow it down to simply one, marine mammals.

im feeling very confident in what i have decided to study etc. FASHION MERCHANDISING and etc dk whatto minor in.

but im excited... so i went to h&m and fridays and way later we strolled around the museum of modern art, there was a complete collection of picasso paintings and structures, s well as vahn gogh paintings that are quite famous. there was also a blank canvas, as art. a little bit weird i guess, and there was a bunch of pieces which i thought were def. not art related. sometimes i hear people talk about art work which you see and you really can't appreciate, i never thought i could do that since i'm so into art, but quite honestly in the media art i saw quite a few framed nothings on the wall. seriously i thought the paintings and stuff i do are more worth exhibiting.

i guess some abstract things are just not my thing. but honestly for the most part everything was beautifl, and everything was admirable. i am now exhausted, ive been walking for about 9 to 10 hours today, and i got a blister on the bottom of my left big toe, thanks schmandals i hate you.


had dinner, walked the dog with my cousin and this girl marcela whose a family friend's daughter. she is also here in the house with us. we're having so much fun! today my batteries died and i couldnt take pics, only with marcel's cam, my cousin andrea left hers in colorado, her friends coming here on sunday so then we'll have even more pictures, yesterday i took 202. ridiculous.
i wanna write more but i'm quite tired. so goodnight! i gotta take my pill.


ANTI BIOTICS SUCK WHEN THE PEOPLE YOU'RE WITH PARTY LIKE ROCKSTARS.


SECOND DAY:

pre nyc

right now i find myself in a place where the only thing that could fit into my head would have to be my imagination, my optimism, and just my youth. i feel like i really need and deserve this trip to new york. i'm writing really shitty right now, and it half bothers me only because of the grammar and shittyness of it all. anywhoooo no time for editing any texts, anthony is staying over and he's playing wii with alexa, they are having all this fun because they are ready. well alexa is so anthony is jusss chillin. i worked so hard this summer, and i really did my best. today was my last day at my job and i was very proud to have taught all these children something they could enjoy the rest of their lives. i really am gonna miss them. i'm also glad and stoked that i got some encouragement at my job. all i hear at home is how far from being an ideal daughter i am, well or so it seems. i admit that the bad things that are said here and there are easier to remember and rather harder to forget. im stoked that my boss told me how much of a role model employee i was. wow i feel like such a corn head now. lawl. anywho, IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HAVE DONE A JOB WELL DONE AND PUT ALL YOUR HEART INTO IT WITH THE REWARD OF BEING ACKNOWLEDGED OF DOING SO.

Sweet

I've never felt so shitty in my life.
I need someone who will be there and who will show me support,care,
love, trust and honesty.

I seriously think I'm a good catch, just no fishermen around.

This bums me out so much.
<3 Sandra

eco-friendly

the environment deserves for us to respect it, after all the great things it offers us and supplies us with... the capacity to sustain our living.

Everyone

Should be well aware that a relationship is hard to maintain. But at the
same time the most simple and basic things are necessary for success in
such. Caring for one another, trusting on one another, and being honest
those are indeed the most important but somehow most people fail to show
care, trust, and mostly honesty.

Well you know I tend to be nonchallant but it still gets to me from
time2time how someone or a lot of people have to lie about things or
just simply not fully inform me of all the facts.

Hmmm good thing there's intellectual distractions as well as
entertaining ones. For example books, wii, and great friends.
<3 Sandra

Mmmmm

La verdad es que me fascinaria escribir de tal forma para poder impedir
el entendimiento de mis palabras a los demas. Me fascinaria saber un
metodo el cual yo pudiese usar para escribir y expresarme, y tambien
poder expresarme. Por dios santisimo. Necesito yo es un cuaderno que
nadie pueda leer.
<3 Sandra

Career Decided

Major: Fashion Marketing
Minor: Journalism
<3 Sandra

rubix cube

idk, whats it with coming up witha title for every blog. fuck that.
anywhooo... i felt like i have a lot to say and shit and i have just been kept so shut away almost to the whole world. sincerely speaking now, i have put my life on pause. im tired of it. i need to get back to living to the fullest, and well, also i feel like i need to find someone.
PEOPLE ALWAYS GET SICK OF HEARING OTHERS' UNFORTUNATE LOVE STORIES. & i dont blame them, i say it cause i know... i do too! and well no one reads this anyway. i dont give a flying octopus.

so basically, i need to find someone, but i'm not really looking for commitment. exclusiveness? yes, with also an open possibility to a well driven relationship. come on boys! where are you?


THE ONLY BOYS THAT FULFILL MY DREAMS SO FAR, ARE THE ONES I HAVE HAD DREAMS ABOUT AT NIGHT. they are all made up characters in my imagination and i suppose thats why i sleep all the time. no one to fucking rescue me from this way of living. if seriously you're trying to get my attention to rescue me and i am not noticing, wait, even if you think im noticing..whatever. just say, "macaroni" to me next time you see me. that way, i will know.

now playing: do the whirlwind pandatronix mix

so right now i feel like no matter how hard you try sometimes to get someone to stay in love with you, and as much as they tell you they are... their actions speak for them. And then in the meantime you see yourself almost about to fall into a...ditch, only its not quite like that.. because at the very bottom of that dreadful ditch resides someone who you know you should much rather be in love with or actually taking your time and spending it with. im in a dilemma, and im possibly, actually.. someone will end up hurt. im sick of being the one to be. sooo i guess now, im in control of the situation and thats just what ill do.. take control of the situation. break a heart. move on. and be as happy as i deserve to be.

lets not talk about wheather or not i deserve something or a certain someone, nor about the opposite which would be wheather ( im probably using the incorrect word) they deserve me.

Lets talk (and i dont mean "lets" since its just me here talking to an invisible wall. how bad is that? dang) about what i think i deserve and what i need.

I want a boy who will do just about anything for me, but at the same time, someone who has their own ideas and points of view on things and lets me know about them, just as much as he'll ask for my opinion on things and listen. Someone who will show me how much i mean to them, and someone who just as i do pays attention to detail.
I'd just like someone who will undoubtedly say something goofy and make it sound serious, someone who will make me laugh and do spontaneous things with me or for me. im not asking for someone whose world ill become. because i still want them to keep their lives as they used to be before we wound up together. i want someone who is my best friend, and at the same time my sweet heart. Id like to meet someone who will wake up by my side and just be glad to be there, without any need to do a thing or say a thing. just joyful and smiling to see me there. Yes "it" will be the best I've ever had, but that doesnt mean thats all the passion we'll have for one another.

I need an understanding, loving, forgiving, funny, spontaneous, caring, opinionated person. Someone who doesn't resort to illegal substances, nor alcohol, or nicotine. A strong man, with the biggest heart there could ever be.

today, a fine fine sunday!

i woke up today and decided to go to anthony's house as soon as possible, and i got here and him and josie woke up pretty much as soon as i rang the doorbell. well anyhow they pour checkers in their mouths for breakfast. in the meantime i sit there waiting to do something...its been like an hour and a half since ive been here and there all cleaning upstairs... uhh im just waiting and waitin for time to pass and i guess later ill have to drive down, soooo far. the thought of rain came to my head as i was typing my previous sentence and then... i hear thunderclaps.

what is it with me and predicting shit sometimes, not just weather, any four year old can forecast a storm. but just other things i guess.


i am in dire need of my phone to start working again, and for my paycheck, and for a better mood that my parents can just aquire by mere desire.

i guess i'll head home in a little while and either eat or call people, and more specifically carlos. then drive to plantation, or somethin nearly if not farther than that. i just figured out something i could definatly rant on and on about for hours, and so this is the end of this post and then i guess just.... wait for my next post.

but then again, who reads this besides nadine?

What

No service
<3 Sandra

Right now

I'm feeling so good, I had some great laughs with my cousin tonight. I
realize no ones is there for certain other than my family and I wanted
to just put it out there to make it clear. As she falls asleep and begs
me to try to do so myself I sit here typing away with so many
unorganized thoughts and ideas running through my head. I wonder if
there is a way my ipods battery is ever gunna run out as well as if
there's ever gonna be a way for me to figure out what im gonna be in the
future. What will my career be? If you know me, you know that I
sometimes tend to talk to much, maybe that will be your answer as to the
lack of punctuation in some of my "blogs". I really don't give a fuck
who reads this or who fails to notice it. I'm just glad I got a way to
keep my writing... filed, I guess you could call it that. And though I
hate to just rant about nothingness, sometimes I just wanna type away
shit that goes through my mind constantly. I must confess that I tend to
bullshit my way through a long ass post or something just so I have the
satisfaction of knowing that the major lurks that bothered reading this
whole thing didn't get any substantial information they were most likely
counting on, I go to sleep knowing that I've made people waste their
time reading this. And well, I have other reasons which are simple.
After such a deplorable first expurience reading my blog I will assume
such snoops won't snoop around here anymore. And well I do understand
that earlier I did say that I didn't give two flying salt shakers about
who read this or not, but it still gives me satisfaction to think that
someone lacked interest in reading this duen to the grand amount of
minutes wasted reading such absurd bullshit. Congratulations. You've
made me happy by wasting your time, now knowing what to expect in the
future from all of my posts.

why a title?

Why bother titling something when you don't even know what your gonna
say yet exactly?
Anyways... esta vez quiero escribir en español ya que se que la gran
mayoria de personas quienes estuviesen interesados en leer esto en lo
minimo, no serian capaz de leerlo, y si asi lo fuese, entonces tal vez
les causaria mucho trabajo llegar a comprender to lo que digo aqui.
Bueno, en fin, desde hace un tiempo me siento como una persona algo
nueva, y mas cerrada y conservada hacia los demas. No se por que pero al
fin de cuentas todo aquel que se me aproxima termina por abuzar de mi
confianza y me defraudan.
Desde que he estado mas cerrada no me ha molestado nada excepto por las
cosas por las cuales mis padres estan siempre estan molestandome. La
unica persona en la cual yo me siento capaz en confio mas que a nadie es
el. Y el no lo sabe, por que a mi me da miedo contarle que el me tiene
casi en sus manos y que tiene el poder para hacerme picadillo. En estos
momentos estoy aguantandome las ganas por que quiero llamarlo o que el
me llame. Quiero escuchar su voz, y quiero verlo una vez mas. Quiero
estar con el, hablarle, acariciarle, tansolo poderle ver los ojos y
saber que yo lo lleno a el tanto como el a mi. Tansolo su mirada es
suficiente para hacerme saber de que yo le importo mucho mas que a
otros. Si pudiese verlo, me lo comeria a besos.son muchas cosas las que
yo haria por el, pero no quiero que el lo sepa por que no quiero que el
me defraude tambien.
<3 Sandra

Abcdefyitressk

I am so irritable lately, and I swear its those damn pills I'm taking. I
don't give a damn lately about anything other than myself. No one ever
shows to really give a little more than two shits about me. Everyone
ends up dissapointing me, so I've decided from some time ago till now
that I will not give a fuck about anyone or anything they might say.
People create unecessary shit. Ill lose people someday anyways so if I
lose someone now I won't be upset. Basically I don't give a fuck
mindset. There's a very select few for whom I really do care about,
family, and about 4 friends. The rest come and go. And well, in the end
I got me to be happy with or without anyone. Because I have things going
for me, and I am an intelligent self sufficient woman.

bodily functions

i feel tired and somewhat like i need some pizzaz is my life.
i need something, and i am not quite sure what it is other than him.
i know i need a certain someone, we both need each other.
i guess waiting for the right time to have a new beginning will just happen all on its own.
i hope that it all works out better than i could have ever imagined it possible.
i am always happy, but i need some tender love and care... from him.

Shocking news

Never have I been given shocking news, that would really affect me
directly, until this morning. Missing calls could mean missing talking
to the love of your life for the last time in a while. I hope to god
everything goes well and from now on I won't ever ignore or miss a call
unless its beyond my control.

the sweet taste of a good cupfull of knowledge

As life progresses, every day I realize that there is a very high rarity in the simple enjoyment of a good conversation. A conversation which requires factual knowledge and an opinionated point of view on the many different topics one might unexpectedly run into. I am not saying that conversations are hard to enjoy, but rather, that a good conversation with great enthusiasm and varied subjects of discussion is hard to find. Although once found, it may be either really enjoyable or the worst situation possible. A good hot sweet cup of coffee with or without creme is always a great companionship which adds a familiarity to the environment in which you may be encountered with a complete stranger or just a stranger side of someone you already knew. The cup of coffee or a less addictive beverage may be where the comfort of opening up your mind and your mouth with all of your thoughts and opinions is found. As you may find yourself in a totally uncomfortable situation, you can hold on to that cup, and it gives you that comfort you were so desperately looking for subconsciously. If it all goes well, every part of the situation will be enjoyable. Otherwise you might just find yourself only enjoying your drink and dreading the most boring, or totally unfamiliar conversation you've yet to have. So next time you plan on going out for coffee, drinks, juice, or water, at least make sure you'll love it without a doubt. If you're more of an experimental person, then you might just find yourself hating that moment because you're drink failed to meet your expectations and so did the conversation. Better safe than sorry, right?

Jun 24, 9:06pm

Sometimes I think to myself that maybe you're not as great as you really
are and that your intentions aren't as good as they seem. I know its
wrong but I know that I only do it because I feel like its too amazing
to be with such a wonderful man.
<3 sandra