now playing: do the whirlwind pandatronix mix

so right now i feel like no matter how hard you try sometimes to get someone to stay in love with you, and as much as they tell you they are... their actions speak for them. And then in the meantime you see yourself almost about to fall into a...ditch, only its not quite like that.. because at the very bottom of that dreadful ditch resides someone who you know you should much rather be in love with or actually taking your time and spending it with. im in a dilemma, and im possibly, actually.. someone will end up hurt. im sick of being the one to be. sooo i guess now, im in control of the situation and thats just what ill do.. take control of the situation. break a heart. move on. and be as happy as i deserve to be.

lets not talk about wheather or not i deserve something or a certain someone, nor about the opposite which would be wheather ( im probably using the incorrect word) they deserve me.

Lets talk (and i dont mean "lets" since its just me here talking to an invisible wall. how bad is that? dang) about what i think i deserve and what i need.

I want a boy who will do just about anything for me, but at the same time, someone who has their own ideas and points of view on things and lets me know about them, just as much as he'll ask for my opinion on things and listen. Someone who will show me how much i mean to them, and someone who just as i do pays attention to detail.
I'd just like someone who will undoubtedly say something goofy and make it sound serious, someone who will make me laugh and do spontaneous things with me or for me. im not asking for someone whose world ill become. because i still want them to keep their lives as they used to be before we wound up together. i want someone who is my best friend, and at the same time my sweet heart. Id like to meet someone who will wake up by my side and just be glad to be there, without any need to do a thing or say a thing. just joyful and smiling to see me there. Yes "it" will be the best I've ever had, but that doesnt mean thats all the passion we'll have for one another.

I need an understanding, loving, forgiving, funny, spontaneous, caring, opinionated person. Someone who doesn't resort to illegal substances, nor alcohol, or nicotine. A strong man, with the biggest heart there could ever be.

today, a fine fine sunday!

i woke up today and decided to go to anthony's house as soon as possible, and i got here and him and josie woke up pretty much as soon as i rang the doorbell. well anyhow they pour checkers in their mouths for breakfast. in the meantime i sit there waiting to do something...its been like an hour and a half since ive been here and there all cleaning upstairs... uhh im just waiting and waitin for time to pass and i guess later ill have to drive down, soooo far. the thought of rain came to my head as i was typing my previous sentence and then... i hear thunderclaps.

what is it with me and predicting shit sometimes, not just weather, any four year old can forecast a storm. but just other things i guess.


i am in dire need of my phone to start working again, and for my paycheck, and for a better mood that my parents can just aquire by mere desire.

i guess i'll head home in a little while and either eat or call people, and more specifically carlos. then drive to plantation, or somethin nearly if not farther than that. i just figured out something i could definatly rant on and on about for hours, and so this is the end of this post and then i guess just.... wait for my next post.

but then again, who reads this besides nadine?